A. You tell them your age. You might be thrown off. But they asked, so you feel you must answer.
B. You try to politely remind them that they shouldn't be asking about your age.
If you chose to respond with A – being totally transparent about your age, you’re giving them data without knowing the objective. And, it’s usually used in a biased way.
I wouldn’t recommend this.
If you chose to respond with B – calling them on asking an inappropriate question, you’re putting them on the defensive.
You may be right, but it’s not a great look or tone to come off so direct.
Remember, there’s usually more than two options.
Think diplomatically, and try something like this:
C. “What’s the question behind the question? What are you trying to understand? How can I help you make sense of something you’re confused by?”
D. “I wonder if there's an age for some part of the job that will help me know more specifically what you're trying to figure out?” (Maybe they're trying to figure out if you can rent a car?)
What’s Your Point?
Remember, interviews are two-sided. They have an agenda, and you have objectives, too.
Your objective is to give them a chance to ask a better question that leads to deeper discussion.
Your role in the conversation is to help move the conversation along. How can you help them redirect to a more productive question so that you can move the conversation forward to gaining greater insight about you?
“But Where I Come From, It’s OK”
Asking someone’s age may be culturally acceptable in other places, but it’s still awkward coming off as lacking tact and diplomacy. It is a disruptive question that distracts you because it prompts you to think if you’re “enough” – good enough, old enough, young enough. So I don’t think it’s ok, even if in other countries it’s not legally problematic to ask.
Have Empathy with the Questions
Often questions reveal a lot about the people asking them. Are they intimidated by your youth or your experience?
How can you nod to your stage in life, but focus them on exploring your valuable insights based on your experiences. (For example, “I have done a lot in my working life. I’ve had some amazing opportunities and I’ve grown so much already.”)
Words matter. We need to be sure that the questions we pose are clear and direct with no room for misinterpretation. We don’t want to distract people with questions that send them into a defensive or political posture.
And when we’re interviewing for a job or market research, we need to be prepared to navigate around these awkward questions so that we can stay on our game, and share our stories.
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